Have you ever been to a circus and had the privilege to see a clown act with dowel rods and spinning plates? The performer attempts to get eight to ten plates spinning at one time. It’s quite amusing. It’s also a great analogy for how some people attempt to live their lives. Unfortunately for them, it’s not “amusing.” The stress and consequences of trying to cover work, family, friends, health, and a relationship with God without any structure can lead us to a place where life can be outright miserable.
Here’s a great concept developed by Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram called 5 Gears. It’s a simple plan to help us be aware of where we are in our “crazy cycle,” and then be intentional about switching from one “gear” to the next.
5th Gear – Focused Mode
When we’re here, it’s “head down, eyes forward” kind of work. This is where you close your door at work or block off your calendar to avoid meetings. When you’re in 5th gear and people know it, they leave you alone and let you get your work done. As fathers, we need to let our kids know when we’re in 5th gear. Whether it is a handyman job at the house or a special work project we’re working on after hours, we can’t expect them to recognize when we need to be focused. We need to let them know we need to get something finished before we can play, etc. However, we can’t be there for long before we break and give them some dad time.
4th Gear – Tasks Mode
A little less intense than 5th gear, 4th gear is where we find ourselves most often. We call it “multitasking.” We think we’re making progress on several tasks, but all we’ve done is opened ourselves up for distractions. Studies consistently teach us how ineffective multitasking is in completing tasks.
“Multitasking reduces your efficiency and performance because your brain can only focus on one thing at a time. When you try to do two things at once, your brain lacks the capacity to perform both tasks successfully.” (forbes.com)
We’re not saying avoid “4th Gear” altogether. We need to recognize that we are not as efficient as we think we are and spend as little time here as we can.
3rd Gear – Social Time
This is a fun gear. This is where we engage with others and learn what’s going on in their lives. We ask questions, tell stories, laugh, and learn about each other. Some people love 3rd gear time while others would rather keep walking or working. We need to slow down and engage with the people in our lives. In relation to our families, we need to ask questions beyond, “How was your day?” This takes a little work. Ask questions that will give you a snapshot into your kids’ minds:
“If we could instantly go back to one place we’ve been as a family, where would you go?”
“What’s one thing you think you do very well?”
“If you could have breakfast with any famous person from the past, who would it be?”
* You can find lists like these on the web. Here’s a good one…
2nd Gear – Connect
This is where we get to know people and share life experiences. This is family. This is our kids. This is not so much about quantity of time, but quality of time. It is important to be present when we are spending time with them. They will feel more loved if you spend 15 minutes chasing them around the playground than if you sit on a nearby bench checking your phone for scores and social media posts. A great way to do this is to put your kids to bed at night rather than send them to bed. No matter how old they are, capture a few minutes with them and listen as they start to unwind. If you have teens, you may need to catch a short power nap early in the evening, then get up and engage while they do homework.
1st Gear – Recharge
This is “You Time.” We all need time alone to recharge and refocus. This might be early mornings with coffee and your Bible, out in the woods for walk or in a hunting blind, or maybe just on your drive home from work. Here’s a tip: find a landmark on your journey home and use it as a trigger to turn off the radio and just talk with the Lord. Talk about your wife and kids. Begin thinking about the evening agenda. Just capture some time to be reflective.
R – Repair Relationships
There are times in our lives when we are so consumed with “shifting gears” that we neglect key relationships. Sometimes this occurs to the point that we need to put life in “reverse” and repair damage we have created. This means getting to the end of ourselves and putting the needs and feelings of others before our own.
Just like driving, we have to shift gears to get the most out of our cars. As leaders in our homes, we need to be aware of the gears we are in and shift in order to get the most and give the most of our lives. Teach this to your family and the next time you’re on your phone when the kids are trying to talk to you, tell them to say, “Hey dad!”, and hold up three fingers. (3rd Gear)
** Adapted from the book, 5 Gears…
dm/ap